The Fourth NotSoShort And Très Stupid Fic: Luka
by samthecg
Summary: Hi! I'm back with more pigeon. And I changed my pen name. I didn't want to have a custom URL saying Sammie2. So I changed it. Also, this is part 2 of ?. Yep. I can't seem to finish it. Review and tell me ideas for p5!
1. Chapter One: Hits And Misses

The Fourth (Not-So-) Short And Très Stupid Fic: Luka Puts Da Moves On!  
  
By Sammie (now known as sprinkydonut!)  
  
Hi again! I'm happy you guys still want more. Cause writing pigeon is fun. Yeah. And Tara is here! So she's gonna talk. Yeah.  
  
Tara: rnrnrnrnrnrnrnrnrnrnrnrn. Has anyone ever wondered what that means when you check a review in an email? Cuz I haven't tha slightest clue. Also, for today, I'm gonna talk smart. Yup, no more contractions for me! Starting now!  
  
Sam: Tara, the rn means enter. I mean like return. But on my computer the button is enter. Yeah. I don't get why they don't just configure it the way people write it.  
  
Tara: I concure.  
  
Sam: Concur, not concure. Stop with the "smart" thing. That's my job!  
  
Tara: Yes but is it really?  
  
Smithy: I'm smart.  
  
Tara: Shh, go away! You robot-kind aren't welcome here!  
  
Smithy: Aww, one day my army of robotic shy guys on pogo sticks will destroy your puny dimension!  
  
Tara: rnrnrnrnrnrn.  
  
Smithy: The hell?  
  
Sammie: Tara? Who's Smithy? I don't get it. Probably because I've been forced to drink Pepsi today. ::shudders:: So not good.  
  
Tara: Yes, I concur. Do they put plastic in Pepsi?  
  
Sammie: I have no idea. But it tastes kinda gross.  
  
Tara: Like, worse than coffee! Yuck!  
  
Coffee: Hey! I taste good!  
  
Sammie: You do! ::Grabs the coffee and drinks it:: Ahhh. Caffeine rush! I'm ready to write!  
  
Tara: I acquicent  
  
Sammie: That isn't even a word! I like you better when you don't spend 10 minutes thinking up a word that sounds smart.  
  
Tara: Acquicent. 1 an noun. Used to descxribe the werd okay. OR Yes.  
  
Sammie: Shut up, or you'll suffer the same fate as pigeon. Three raging lunatics trying to grab a butterfinger off your head. You don't want that.  
  
Tara: I acquicent.  
  
Sammie: The word is ACQUIESCENT!!! Not acquicent. Ugh. Shut up.  
  
Pigeon: CAW!! Shut up! Really! You sooo don't want to suffer like me.  
  
Tara: I Shuldeede.  
  
Sammie: What the ::beep::ing hell!?!  
  
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I can't believe her. I can't write with her sometimes. Now, I'm all alone. I wasn't planning on writing tonight, but I'm going away until the 14th and I wanted to get p4 up before then. So here I am, writing, even though I should be packing. Well, onto the fic!  
  
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Disclaimer: I hate these. They're really annoying now.  
  
Pigeon: CAW!! Let me do it.  
  
Sammie: Fine. I'm gonna go watch Big Brother.  
  
Pigeon: CAW!! Disclaimer: Sammie doesn't want to admit it, but she has nothing. Well she has coke and a computer. But that's it. So don't think she owns the ER peoples. She isn't that rich. Babysitting doesn't pay well enough to buy anything.  
  
Sammie: You didn't do so bad! But I still have to throw the coke can at you.  
  
Pigeon: CAW!! Figures. ::Covers head with wing::  
  
Sammie: ::Throws the coke can::  
  
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Luka is just starting a shift at County. He is depressed. Because he's getting sick of paying to have a woman fill the empty space in his bed. Actually, it's because he's broke. A broke doctor. How sad is that?? But nobody notices. Because he always looks depressed.  
  
(Crap. I wrote a few more paragraphs and the power went off. I'm pissed. But I'm still gonna write. While pissed. This might not turn out so good.)  
  
Luka: *To himself* Hmmm. I don't have much money, but I like to sleep with women. Hmph. I guess I have to woo them. But how? What do I say? Maybe I'll find something on the internet.  
  
So Luka walks over to the computer and connects to the internet. Then he goes to google and types in pick-up lines. (I actually did this, by the way.) He clicks on the first page he sees.  
  
Luka: Perfect! This one'll work.  
  
He walks over to chairs and sees a hooker. He approches her.  
  
Luka: Sooo, do you know what we do with hookers in Croatia???  
  
Hooker: For 200$, I'll find out.  
  
Luka: Crap. I'm broke. Sorry!  
  
He runs back to the computer.  
  
Luka: Maybe I should stay away from hookers. Hmmm. How about this one? I have to test it. Dammit. Kerry is the only girl around. Well, I have to use somebody.  
  
He walks over to Kerry.  
  
Kerry: Don't you have patients to deal with?  
  
Luka: Yeah. One minute. But first, do you like horses???  
  
Kerry: Yes.Why?  
  
Luka: ::Whinnies like a horse::  
  
Kerry: Oh ew! Get away from me! Go deal with patients! ::She throws the remainder of her coffee in his face::  
  
Kerry then goes away as fast as she possibly can. Luka just stands there wet and disappointed. After a few minutes, he walks back to the computer.  
  
Luka: That one was fool-proof! Why don't girls like me?? Well, I have to find somebody. Being alone is boring.Here. This'll work. I have to find somebody.  
  
Luka goes off to find a girl, he then finds Cleo.  
  
Luka: No. Not Cleo. I have less of a chance with her than with Kerry!  
  
Cleo: What was that?  
  
Luka: Might as well. When they were giving out the brains, you were first on the line for beauty.  
  
Cleo: ARE YOU SAYING I'M STUPID?? BECAUSE I'M BLACK?? IS THAT IT??  
  
Luka: No, no! I was saying you're beautiful!.Cleo, put that scalpel down! Cleo! CLEO!! AHHHHHH!!!!  
  
Cleo runs after Luka, holding a scalpel screaming out smart sounding things. (I don't know smart sounding things so just imagine, kay?) Finally, Luka gets into the men's bathroom. And stays there. For 2 hours. Just to be safe.  
  
Luka: That wasn't a good idea. Well, I'm hungry. I can't do this anymore.  
  
Luka then walks over to the vending machines, to get something to eat. But he sees Chuny on the way.  
  
Luka: What the hell. You're on my list of things to do tonight, Chuny!  
  
Chuny: I "did" you once and it sucked. Go away. ::She walks away from him.::  
  
Luka: That wasn't as bad as usual. Could have been worse! And I did her once. That was enough.  
  
Luka continues walking to the vending machines.  
  
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Pigeon: CAW!! Hey! Over there! Another bird!  
  
Crow: BAWK!! Are you talking to me???  
  
Pigeon: Wow. You're amazing, you know that?  
  
Crow: BAWK!! What kind of bird are you?!? You didn't even CAW!!  
  
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Okay, I'm tired. And it's late. So I have to stop writing. There will be a chappy two, I promise. But my sister is bugging me to play cranium. Hmph. Well, review for now. I hope you like. I laughed really hard while writing tis, so yeah. Also, it'll take awhile for the rest to come up cause I'm going away for a few days when I get back. Crazy. I hate travelling. No computer. (And no talking to NaNa!! I lurve our psychotic goddess convos. Funness.)  
  
Oh and I like talking to people via email, so email me. Or review. One or the other. If you don't, the rest of p4 might never come!!! Yeah! 


	2. Chapter Two: Fingers

The Fourth (Not-So-) Short And Très Stupid Fic: Luka Puts Da Moves On!  
  
Part Two  
  
By Sammie (now known as sprinkydonut!)  
  
I'm BAAAAAACK! Aren't ya happy to see me? No? Oh, I guess you just want pigeon then. That's hurtful. I feel unwanted. No, actually, I don't. Yeah. So, now, I have to thank people for reviews.  
  
NaNa: Thanky. That was nice of you. Now, talk to me. You leave right when I get back. Total unfairness, okay? (I know I write Cleo well. I can see inside her. Cause I'm psychic! Yeah!) Crow is annoying. Like me! You aren't annoying. Yes I am!!! I'm the annoying one. Shut up. You're annoying me. Good. That was my intention all along. What?!  
  
Nobody: You are a somebody. Cause you can't write a review if you are nobody. Yeah. Have you reviewed me before?? You should make an account. And write fic. Funny fic. Cause funny fic is funny. Or you could just read it.  
  
MaryAnn: Thank you for your comments. But why did you read it if it was horrible? When I read bad fic, I stop reading. God, you must have no life. I mean, you read fic you don't even like. Total sadness. (I'm soooooo good! You insult me and I flip it around! Woo! Cause now I feel good and not crappy. So your review was a good one for my ego. Thank you.)  
  
Muakocita: ? to you too! Did you read the other fics? Or do I just confuse you. I'm good at doing that. I want a coke.  
  
Nurse Mandy: Hi-hi! Lurve your fics. And from your review, you lurve mine too! Email me. You seem remotely interesting. Yeah.  
  
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You don't have to tell me that that was a waste of time. But I don't want to write fic because here in Ottawa, there's rotating power outages. Like sooo many other places right now. So I'm not writing cause chances are, I won't get to finish. I'm gonna go get that coke now.  
  
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Kay, so now it's Monday, no wait, Tuesday morning and there has been power since Saturday, but we have to "conserve." I don't have A/C. I'm bitchy. I hope that doesn't reflect in my fic. It will though! Good for me, but I'm not sure that this'll turn out so good. Who cares?!  
  
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Luka: Why do women hate me? I think I'm pretty good looking. I mean, nobody here's as hot as me. Carter? Not even close. Peter? Ha ha. He only wishes. Robert? He-  
  
Luka doesn't notice Dr. Romano, who has listened to Luka's whole self- centered personal conversation.  
  
Romano: Is WAYYYYYY better looking than you, Mr. Narcissist.  
  
Luka: Whoa! Didn't see you there. Hehe. So...  
  
Luka tries to walk away from Romano, but I mean, come on!  
  
Romano: Don't avoid me. Now, I can tell you why women hate you.  
  
Luka: I dooooon't want to here it. *Sticks his fingers in his ears.* La la la la laaaaaaa!!! I can't hear yooooooou!!!!  
  
Romano: Since you can't hear me, I might as well leave. I have to find Lizzie.  
  
Romano walks off, in pursuit of his Lizzie, leaving Luka, looking like an idiot with his fingers in his ears.  
  
About 5 minutes later, crow flies by.  
  
Crow: BAWK!! What the hell are you doing? You look like an idiot.  
  
Luka doesn't notice though. And the only reason he does this for sooo long is because he figures Robert would have a pretty long list. Actually...  
  
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Robert: *writing* Number 468. You're still married to a dead woman. That is not attractive. Let it go. *talking* And finally... Number 469. Ummm. You still act like a child and stick your fingers in your ears. That is definitely not attractive.  
  
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Luka: *Tries to take his fingers out of his ears, but finds they're stuck. He actually can't get them out.* DAMN! I CAN'T GET MY FINGERS OUT! *He keeps trying to take them out, but it's like he cemented his fingers in his ears.* HMPH! WHERE'S ROMANO?! *He turns around.* FU-*he sees a kid walking by* DGE!  
  
Annoying kid: I know what you were gonna say!  
  
Luka: WHAT?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!  
  
Annoying kid: Ha ha! You can't hear me! You're an idiot!  
  
Luka: WHAT?! SAY THAT AGAIN?!  
  
Annoying kid: Hmmph. This has lost its novelty. And he talks too loud. *he walks away*  
  
Luka: I HOPE THAT KID WASN'T MAKING FUN OF ME! WELL, I STILL NEED TO FIND ROMANO!  
  
Luka walks over to Robert's office. And he sees the huge piles of paper on Romano's desk.  
  
Luka: GOD, I HOPE THAT ISN"T PAPERWORK!  
  
Romano: Of course it isn't. And take your fingers out of your ears. You look like a retard.  
  
Luka: I CAN'T!  
  
Romano: Goddamnit, stop screaming! You're getting on my nerves!  
  
Luka: WHAT?!  
  
Romano: STOP SCREAMING!  
  
Luka: WHAT?!  
  
Romano: *Grabs the sheet of paper that ends his list and adds: Number 470. You talk way too loud. Nobody wants you to whisper sweet nothings in their ears unless they have severe hearing loss. He then grabs a blank sheet of paper and a permanent marker and writes: Goddamnit, stop screaming! You're getting on my nerves!*  
  
Luka: Oh. Sorry.  
  
Luka is talking in a loud whisper. About as loud as his regular speech. But he can't tell.  
  
Romano: *Writes it on paper* Read this. All of it. And try to get some help with your finger problem.  
  
Luka: Sure can do! *he walks out*  
  
Romano: I can't believe he's a doctor. I guess it is true. Everyone's retarded.  
  
He starts working on some charts.  
  
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Luka is now not only on a quest to get lucky, but also to get his fingers out of his ears. And that's a lot of work for him. Usually all he has to do is look pretty. It's a big change for him. Well to get started, he goes off to see if he can find somebody to pull his finger out.  
  
Luka: Damn. Nobody's around. I need to get my fingers out. I know! I'll go up to surgery. Somebody had got to be up there.  
  
Crow: BAWK!! Why are you talking out loud? Usually when people talk to themselves they talk in their head.  
  
Luka: What?! I can't hear you.  
  
Crow: BAWK! I'm a voice in your head.  
  
Luka: Can I bang a voice in my head?  
  
Crow: BAWK!! Wow. You are desperate.  
  
Crow flies off, slightly scared because Luka is really. scary. He wants to put that storage closet to good use again.  
  
Luka: Hmm. That was weird. Why'd she leave? I was offering her some service and she walks away. Ah well. I don't know how safe it is to do somebody with your fingers in your ears. I should work on that.  
  
So Luka goes upstairs to get his fingers out.  
  
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Back at the vending machines.  
  
Crow: BAWK!! Hey everyone!  
  
Everybody turn their heads, wanting to hear something good. Like if the vending machine dude had come to refill the butterfingers.  
  
Carter: Is the vending machine dude here?  
  
Abby: With butterfingers?  
  
Crow: BAWK!! What's with you guys and butterfingers?  
  
Chen: They're.good?  
  
Crow: BAWK! Coke is good. Donuts are good. But I'm not so sure about butterfingers.  
  
Pigeon: I wouldn't have said that if I were you.  
  
Carter: I think you forgot something.  
  
Pigeon: NO! I DIDN'T! I don't like saying CAW!! So shut up! Let me be!  
  
Sam: Fine. You don't have to say it. But because you aren't saying it, you have to bring Luka down here. I want to laugh at him. He looks pretty stupid right now.  
  
Pigeon: CAW!! Alrighty!  
  
Sam: You CAW!!ed! Yay pigeon!  
  
Pigeon: I like CAW!!ing. But I was bored and I figured you'd give me something to do.  
  
Sam: How well do you know me?  
  
Pigeon: CAW!! Well.  
  
Sam: That was rhetorical. You aren't supposed to answer. Well, I'm coming with you. Cause I'm bored.  
  
Pigeon: CAW!! Okay.  
  
Sam and pigeon go off and find Luka. Everyone else is looking out the window for the vending machine dude.  
  
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I know, it's taken me awhile. It isn't done, obviously. But I have homework and I should post this, right? Right. -Sam 


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